Hello Groin by Beth Goobie

Author:Beth Goobie
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: JUV000000
Publisher: Orca Book Publishers
Published: 2006-08-31T16:00:00+00:00

Just as Danny had said, everyone was talking. For the rest of the day I couldn’t go anywhere without getting comments—in the halls, my classes, or catching a smoke with Joc at midmorning break. I hadn’t realized yesterday what a stir the censor strips were causing because I’d spent so much time in detention, but today I was a free woman and everyone I met seemed to have something to say. The guesses kids made about the censored titles were mind-boggling: The Titanic. The Encyclopedia Britannica. The Edible Woman. Freddy the Pig Goes to Mars. On the Brighter Side, I am Now the Girlfriend of a Sex God. Hamlet. (I bumped into Dikker again between classes.) And, of course, everyone wanted to know what the actual offending titles had been, even Cam’s buddies. Well, especially Cam’s buddies. When I sat down with the senior jock crowd in the cafeteria at lunch, the comments didn’t let up.

“Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets,” suggested Julie, and everyone snickered.

“Temptation,” said Deirdre. “Or how about The Tycoon’s Virgin Bride?”

“The Tycoon’s Virgin Bride?” repeated Len. Letting his jaw drop, he bugged his eyes at her. In two seconds flat, Deirdre was severely rattled.

“Duh, let me guess,” Len added smugly. “Harlequin, right?”

“I read it last week,” Deirdre said defensively, throwing a french fry at him. “And stop looking at me like that. Some of the scenes were pretty hot.”

Len rolled his eyes, then opened his mouth, about to reply, but was interrupted.

“Superman,” crowed Gary, stretching out his arms and pretending to fly. “You put my favorite book right over the guy’s dick, and Brennan saw it and got pissed.”

As screeches of approval erupted from Julie and Rachel, a girl at a nearby table turned to look at us. A flash of guilt hit me as I saw that it was Michelle Allen, who obviously should have been sitting at this table, laughing at Gary’s comment along with the rest of the jock crowd. But she wasn’t; in fact she hadn’t sat with us for weeks—not since the first few days after she’d made the senior girls volleyball team. It looked like Julie and Rachel had found a way to make it very clear that she wasn’t welcome.

Completely oblivious, Cam pulled a sandwich out of his lunch bag. “She couldn’t use Superman, Feeb Brain,” he grinned at Gary. “It had to be a real book with real words. Y’know, more than POW, BAM, SLAM and exclamation marks.”

“Superman Pooperman,” agreed Len, turning his gaze on me. “It was probably War and Peace. Now that would really jerk Brennan’s chain.”

“Maybe,” I shrugged, ducking a direct reply. All morning I’d been answering kids’ questions the same way—with a shrug and a grin. Let everyone think what they wanted. The only people who knew the actual titles were Mr. Brennan, Ms. Fowler, my parents, Danny and Cam, and obviously they hadn’t let anyone else in on the secret. Even Joc didn’t know what I’d placed into the girl silhouette’s groin,

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